What I learned and could only have learned by getting into the game of creating the impossible.

Even though dried spaghetti looks at 10pm at night like the perfect solution to stake your sweetpeas with because they are falling over and you think you are oh so clever and smug to have just made up a cost-free solution on your own, it is not.

The bit that is inserted in the soil will in fact turn into actual pasta overnight and pull your baby sweetpeas over until they look like they’ve had a massive night out on the tiles by morning. And has probably killed the first things you thought you might actually grow – hence proving how impossible your project is.

And when you try to pull the spaghetti out you will be left with whole bits of soggy pasta in your soil. No idea what pasta does to the PH balance.

Just in case anyone else was thinking of making the same silly mistake today.

Still, one step further ahead in my gardening knowledge than I was this time yesterday.

And who knows, maybe pasta is a previously undiscovered soil enhancer that will mean my plants flower earlier than 19th April.

#failureiscool

For my impossible goal of growing my own blooms to fill my house full of flowers before 19th April – here’s what would have to happen.

  1. Nature would need to provide an unseasonably warm March in the UK so cross my fingers or
  2. I could post on my insta to ask for advice (did that, no answers as yet)
  3. I could have defy the laws of nature and plant my seedlings before I should and then knit them little blankies to keep them warm and hope they grow or
  4. I could invent a totally new type of plant that flowered two months after planting it no matter the weather, or
  5. I could do some random experiments

My sweetpeas are the only thing I’ve started growing so far. I’ve become strangely attached to them. I talk to them, I waft their stems back and forth pretending to be the wind (apparently that helps the stems grow stronger) and I fuss over them like newborns.

They had their first trip outside this week and it felt like a huge occasion – my babies are taking their steps into the real world.

But I have to cut the apron strings.

These sweetpeas have to move from being my babies to becoming my experimental subjects. I have 64 seedlings (give or take a couple) – and I’m going to give 16 of them over to science.

How to choose which ones? I have no idea – it feels so cruel to point and say ‘YOU, you shall be moved outside 2 months before you should and see how you deal with frost’. ‘YOU, you shall be moved into the dark airing cupboard and then suddenly into the light’. ‘YOU, you shall have baked beans added to your soil.’ and ‘YOU, you shall be poked with a sharp stick in the leaves every day.’ And other random experiments that might come to mind.

I notice I’ve stopped sharing the pictures of my plant torture on my instagram where ‘real’ flower people might catch sight of them.

For example, instead of spaghetti as stakes to hold them up, I’m using the stalks of my paper flowers, just to show them what they can aspire to if they just tried a bit harder. (I only have tulips to show them so they are probably just more confused now than they were before).

But if you’re trying to make the impossible happen, you can’t be worrying about how to do things ‘properly’ I guess.

Other jobs that got done this week:

  1. My husband built me a cold-frame! It doesn’t have a lid yet but some of my sweetpeas will shortly be the first visitors to it
  2. I booked in a meeting with Age Concern in Woking as I want to donate them some of my flowers if/when they grow
  3. I told several people about my impossible project.
  4. More raised beds were filled with soil and my son was bribed into filling one too
  5. The perfect length of garden hose was found in the back of my garage
  6. I realised I have a magnolia that might, just might bloom before 19th April and so help me complete my impossible project. Though a definite cheat as I have had nothing to do with the growing of it – it was already here when we moved in.

Next week is all about planting a whole load of more experimental subjects seeds in my seed trays….watch this space.